Uncategorized – Page 2 – Diaries of a Deep Soul

Can a moment of appreciation and inspiration result in mindset shift???

Is it possible to change or alter an individual’s mindset by a moment of appreciation and inspiration???

I THINK SO!!!

It is a theory that we all, as individual’s in our own right, have an inherent desire to show affection to a fellow individual. If work relationships can be used as one way to test this theory, then there is an absolute preciseness to this theory. Once a senior shows appreciation to an employee, and creates a equality environment between him and the employee, and gives the employee a comfortable setting in which he can relax and think with a clear mind, it seems to alter the individuals behavior in the coming moments that follow after this interaction.

In domestic relationships between an adult and a child, similar behavioral changes can be observed, the same between two partners.

If these observations is enough to go buy, is it not possible to take this to an external setting, creating a moment of appreciation and affection between an individual you do not know, but seems obvious that he or she needs such a moment. Taking in consideration the results that these moments generate, it should surely have a positive impact on a random individual.

Maybe, just maybe, a massive amount of our current affairs are directly related to our current society’s culture not showing enough appreciation towards another. We can observe this selfish culture anywhere we look, individuals breaking each other down like there is no tomorrow. seriously, how do we expect to develop an improved tomorrow, if we can not identify and accept these simple failures of today.

Are we failing our own future…

The way we behave toward others, is a reflection of who we really are…

You may have heard it before, but it is such a strong statement:
“We can only see things within others that we see within ourselves.”

I think this is one of the most challenging spiritual lessons we are here to learn. When i first saw this statement it seemed very odd to me. Like most people, my first response was, “Surely, i do not act like a lot of people who annoy me and push my buttons.

Everyone you meet is your mirror…

Why is that?

We come to understand ourselves best through our relationships with other people. We can only be triggered by something we have experienced ourselves. The traits we tend to dislike in others are usually the traits we do not like about ourselves. We then tend to judge and criticize these characteristics. This calls to mind the analogy of pointing a blaming finger at someone. One finger is pointing at another person, and three are pointing back to ourselves…

When certain characteristics in someone’s personality trigger a negative reaction from you, there is something within you that is coming up because it is ready to be healed. Usually, it represents issues from your past that have gone unresolved. An example of this would be constantly attracting people who betray you in close relationships because you have not dealt with a parental abandonment issue from your past. What you are seeing is a manifestation of your belief that you cannot trust anyone with your feelings…

Here is another example:

You are someone who has a constant need to prove to others that you are “right.” Chances are you will attract people who strongly disagree with you because they also have the need to convince others to see life from their perspective. Also, if you dislike controlling people, most likely you dislike some bossy tendencies within yourself.

Every person we meet in life is showing up at the perfect time in our lives to reflect something we need to heal within ourselves. The people with whom you interact are showing you who you are and ultimately providing you with an opportunity to love yourself. Since our mission is to discover what we do not love and learn to love it, the people who get on our nerves the most are among our greatest teachers...

When you find yourself triggered by a person or situation…

Ask yourself the following questions:

“What is this person teaching me that I need to learn to become more whole?”

“Do I behave like this now?”

“Did I behave like this in the past?”

Believe it or not, forgiving YOURSELF is the most effective way to disengage from negative interactions with people. We can only love and accept others to the degree that we love and accept ourselves. When you make it a habit to learn from your relationships, eventually you will discover that you can observe negative traits within others without judgment and without getting hooked into someone else’s drama. If you discover that you are in a relationship with someone who habitually abuses you in some way, it is sometimes healthy to limit your exposure to that person or to avoid their company completely. This serves you well only after you have embraced the lessons that you have seen reflected to you through the relationship, followed by choosing to forgive yourself and the other person.

The good news is that the desirable behaviors we see in others is also a reflection of ourselves. When we predominantly choose thoughts of love, we live in a reality of love. In other words, as we focus on our light within, we bring out the light within others.

We came to this earth to return to the remembrance that we are ONE. Everyone we meet has come into our path to help us to remember this.

Do you find it challenging to believe that what you see in others is a reflection of you?

I need You, I trust You cannot do without You My rabb I will never put anything above You..

My Rabb let my reflection always be one you are pleased with…

Ameen Ya Rabbul Ameen

Finding your way a very though provoking piece…

..Woman-up to the situation..

..Wise up from the situation…

You need to know this. It will not be easy. It is a path that may not be forgiving. And the end result, while completely satisfying… May be close to your expectation. But it needs to be done.

Girls have remained in the shadows of their parents households for far too long.

Children in general, are confined to the comfort of their parents haven and develop no desire to conquer the world. I refer to the aspirations they don’t have in that magnitude because I believe if everyone does a little, a lot gets done.

Stagnation is to humans what rattex is to rats.

Own the silence. Devour the loneliness and there will be nothing stopping you from conquering the world of opportunities at prosperity out there.

There were times I sat back, looked up at the bare ceiling and blankly tried to recall my past. Every decision I’d made, good and bad.. Every memory I had. Every turn I took in my life.. and what it had in store for me. The nostalgia was nauseating.

It made me feel like packing up and going back home almost immediately.

You see I was brought up in a home where I understood that I never needed to “struggle”. Where the thought of working just to make ends meet was as foreign to me as the concept of honesty is in politics.

But after minutes of contemplation and nostalgia I would return to my reality. What would I achieve? Would I be another statistic? A typical case of “Girl goes out, doesn’t make it, ‘runs’ back home”, or, “‘Running’ back to daddy to save the day”.

I hated it. I hated being looked at as though I were a daddy’s girl who received everything on a Golden platter because that made it seem like I was absolutely incapable of doing anything on my own.

Are you like that? Can you not do anything for yourself? What then, would you say, is your worth?

Would you consider yourself a Role model for anyone?

If not.. Why not?

The concept behind the story about giving a man a fish vs. teaching him to catch it was based on the ideology that the greatest gift you can give to anyone, is Knowledge. Knowledge.. from the cradle, to the grave.

Someone worked.. hard.. perhaps, smart.. But worked, nonetheless, to give you what you have today. To get you to where you are. And someone will work the very same, to give you the comfort and lifestyle you desire. The power is with you, to determine if the person I am referring to for the future, is you.. Or someone else.

The greatest gift any child can give their parents is the surety that they are capable of standing upright in their values, steadfast on their morals, and footed in their direction. That being as you are, you will be able to “make it out there”, in their absence..

Nafs..

NAFS {intentions of the heart}

How often are you faced with desires from within and temptations all around?

Those desires that push you to seek fun in every possible way, permissible or otherwise. It drives you to compete with your peers just to pass time and maintain the status quo. In the same way you are driven to an inner battle against yourself. You are drawn in different directions.

To do or not to do..

To say or not to say..

To listen or not to listen..

To touch or not to touch..

To look or lower your gaze..

To give in to or bust the stress..

Your nafs whispers to you, telling you how much you need to blend with the culture, lifestyle or friendship. It tells you that you have many years ahead and should not stress about worship. And encourages you to live beyond all limits.

Such whispers pull you away from the truth and distract you from submission to the Will of the One true Lord & Creator.

Those distractions can make you feel troubled, anxious and far from contentment.

But, you posses every capability of engaging in good, controlling your desires, building your skills and freeing self from negative influences..

“So direct your face (i.e., self ) toward the religion, inclining to truth. Adhere to the fitrah of Allah upon which HE has created (all) people.

No CHANGE should there be in the creation of Allah.

That is the correct religion, but most of the people do not know.” [Q (30):30]

Connecting with your Nafs

The Nafs is an inherent part of you, an innate portion of your pure fitrah [natural inclination].

It has the potential to drive you towards the good and not-so-good direction in life. Yet your inner self or nafs, and its lowly desires constantly directs you towards evil. You have a duty to overcome its weakness and win over its plots. You can achieve this through cultivating a sound heart, one that submits and surrenders to Allah, the Almighty.

With a sound healthy heart, your nafs can guide to a better spiritual perception. It can also serve as an emotional bank for steering good feelings and building a positive mindset..

In another of its important role, it provides a suitable station for your intention. The heart is the permanent residence for all intentions. .

So how do you win against your Nafs?

Your soul in its true nature will direct you towards honesty, helping others, kindness to parents, helping humanity and worshipping Allah (swt) alone; while any form of corruption from your desires can lead to cheating, arrogance, immorality, engaging in mindless chatter, watching lewd scenes and abandoning worship..

When the commanding soul [An-nafs al-ammaraah bi-suu’] overshadows your reproachful and tranquil soul [An-nafs al-mutma’innah], you fall low and become distant from Allah.

While the tranquil soul has the potential to connect you strongly with Allah (swt) through worship and obedience and fulfilling your purpose of Creation.

Some things that may corrupt the pure nature of your soul include..

– Lack of authentic knowledge; Quran & its teachings.

– Environment; Peer pressure; cultural pressure; parental pressure etc.

– Weakness of faith.

– Desires; from materialism to nationalism.

10 ways you can overcome your Nafs (commanding soul)

1. Constant purification.Increase in your worship acts and strive for obedience of Allah (swt) at all times. Follow His guidance through the teachings of the Quran and Hadith. You should prioritise with the compulsory acts such as five daily prayers, even as you try to pick up the supererogatory ones.

2. Conscious awareness.Your nafs is conscious and as such you have control over decisions you make that will impact your daily life and the hereafter. Therefore be conscious of Allah (swt) at all times and make a choice to break free from the negative desires and inclinations.

3. Avoid sins and prohibitions.And always follow an evil thought, speech or act with a good one. You can achieve this through learning and seeking beneficial knowledge. In that way, you can sieve the truth from falsehood; and permissible acts from prohibitions.

4. Remember the test of temporal life. This temporary life is a test and a preparation for the ultimate abode, the everlasting world and hereafter. Which then is more worthy of striving for?

5. Follow the Sunnah. In our beloved Prophet (saw), we have the perfect example. So follow him and you will not go wrong.

6. Think of positive & negative effect of every action.For example, with the 5 daily prayers the benefits from physical to psychological bring serenity and a tranquil effect even beyond the prayers. While delaying/missing prayers due to laziness and negligence may bring about guilt, feeling of burden, regret, need to make excuses etc in addition to amassing sins.

7. Use your time wisely.Assess your time & accompanying deeds. And try to keep positively busy with rewarding acts. Do something for the Ummah without expecting a profit. Make it an investment for your hereafter.

8. Keep good company.Mind your environment and those you choose to stay around. Choose those who can help guard your creed & deen.

9. Purify your acts through your intentions. Renew them as often as you can, centred on Allah’s pleasure and to earn paradise. Is paradise and its wonders not enough motivation to give up the instant gratifications for?

10. Make Du’a. Make supplications for a sound & pure heart, one that is filled with Allah’s love but yearns for even more of Allah’s (swt) love.

{The heart can only become sound, achieve success, take pleasure, be satisfied, experience enjoyment, become pleased, attain serenity and calmness through the ibadaah (worship) of its Lord, having love of Him and turning to Him (in repentance). Even if it were to attain every type of pleasure from creation, it will not acquire serenity & tranquillity. This is because the heart possess an intrinsic need for its Lord, since He is its deity, love and pursuit and with Allah the heart achieves joy, pleasure, delight, amenity, serenity and tranquillity.}

Blame Game..

CHANGE THE PLAYER,NOT THE GAME THEY SAY….

MY SENTIMENTS ON THAT???

IF THE PLAYER IS NOT WELL VERSED TO PLAY THE GAME, WHY ATTEMPT IT…

Take the risk, Yay… Nay….

MAYBE… MAYBE NOT!!!

WHAT DO YOU THINK????

I often wonder about change, it is quiet simple to ask someone to change, but change is more like an “I want to action” rather than “someone is telling me to change so i must order to self sort of act”

We will always expect the player to change, why not try changing strategy, by that i mean making a personal change that way the outcome of the game will not just be satisfying but gratifying too…

CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE…

Change begins with me…

In these circumstances, be an outside force who cannot and does not force change on anyone especially against their will. Be the common factor – the only person that can actually enforce any sort of change.

“The only change that is really going to dramatically affect your game is you”.

Any true sincere change comes from within and starts with me first…

THE REAL ACT OF DISCOVERY CONSISTS NOT IN FINDING NEW LANDS BUT IN SEEING WITH NEW EYES…

If you make no change, nothing will or can change.

How do we look at ‘the old lands with new eyes’?

Here are three ways:

1. Admit it:

Problems persist because we deny them.

And what makes a problem big is simply that it is yours.

If you found yourself in the hospital with an injury, would you walk around, pointing out the injuries of others in the emergency room? Or would you be making a beeline to the doctor’s office to find healing for your own pain?

We tend to have it all wrong when it comes to real life. Everyone has problems. No one is perfect. But we want to fix that person and their issues first before fixing and putting right our own.
Break the cycle..

Don’t underestimate the power of admitting any problem. Admit your problem, and then begin the journey to finding a solution.

2. Make the grass greener on your side..

WATERING YOUR OWN PATCH OF DRY LAND WILL HOLD MORE BENEFIT THAN PEAKING INTO SOMEONE ELSE’S PATCH….

You need to take responsibility. If a problem exists, say in a relationship, you are most likely part of the problem. Doesn’t really matter whose fault it was at the beginning. Seek to create solutions.

You make the grass greener on your side by taking the initiative. Make the first move…

You must also understand that change is a process, not an event…

“Little by little fills the pot.” Small changes – in our thoughts, behavior, words – indicate progress.

The entire situation might seem unresponsive at first, but consistent small steps will eventually bear fruit. Remember that the grass does not become green in one day. It has to be planted first. Then nurtured.

3.Distinguish between intentions and expectations:

Intentions come from the heart. You take responsibility for your own intentions.

Expectations on the other hand are placed on others. You can hope for something but it’s never guaranteed that you will have it.

Unfulfilled expectations often lead to stress, fear or disappointment while true intentions, the only thing you can really control – will increase your enthusiasm and joy of living.

Learn to sow good seeds. For example, you can decide, “I want to be perfect partner” instead of “My partner has to perfect him or herself for me.” Just as you are a work in progress, so too is the other party….

THE HEART OF ANY PLAYER SHOULD CHANGE BEFORE ATTEMPTING ANY GAME….

Everything comes from up Above.. Good or Bad!!!!

So often we lead to questions :

I am doing the best i can.. ARE YOU REALLY?

I do everything everyone asks, i never say no to anyone, i am always willing to help and be of assistance, people know my situation but still take advantage…

WHY ALLAH, WHY ME???

WHY IS ALLAH TESTING ME???

EVERYTHING GOOD AND BAD THAT HAPPENS TO US IS DETERMINED BY ALLAH…

Honestly these are fair questions, but it is also important for us to realise that ALLAH determines everything for us and with great reasoning too, we may never understand why at that specific moment, only ALLAH knows why and for what ever reason….

WHEN WE FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE REACHED THAT PAINFULLY DEAD END..

KEEP THIS THOUGHT AT MIND AND IN HEART :

ALLAH LOVES ME AND ALLAH WILL NEVER GIVE ME MORE THAN I CAN BARE!!!

Only ALLAH has the divine power to decide what we have and do not have in this life, ALLAH may choose to place you in a very difficult situation for a very long period of time, but does that mean that because of the situation we now need to lose hope. And faith, and turn to vile sources just to “BETTER” the problem? You need to always remember that ALLAH knows your agony, and HE knows how sincere the heart of HIS creation is, it is imperative that you keep it together and never lose faith, be patient, be grateful, and make DUA….

It is very easy to turn to evil vices to get your way, but what human forgets is that only what comes from ALLAH is permanent. So no matter how deep you sink in acts of Jadoo, Voodoo, Witchcraft and whatever else is giving you temporary power, remember dear human that will fade away too, for only Satan has the ability to take you that high before He pushes you off your pedestal…

THE REWARD MIGHT NOT ALWAYS BE IN THIS LIFE…

SOME REWARDS ARE GRANTED ON THE DAY OF QIYAMAH…

Depending on your situation and the kind of person you are, ALLAH sometimes does not reward his creation in this life, as ALLAH is all knowing, he might probably save that persons reward until the Day of QIYAMAH, because it will definitely be much greater..

ALLAH DOES NOT HAVE MUCH REGARD FOR THIS BORROWED LIFE AS I CALL IT…

IT IS ONLY A STAGE OF AMUSEMENT TO THE EVIL, AND A STAGE OF AGONY AND GRIEF TO THE SINCERE HEARTED…

THE REAL REWARD WE WILL RECEIVE IN THE HEREAFTER…

THAT IS WHERE OUR DEEDS /ACTIONS AND NIYAAH, ARE TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION AND EITHER ADDED UP IN OUR FAVOUR, OR JUSTLY MINUSED AGAINST US…

A true believer never expects much out of this life, what keeps them sincere and with faith intact and unbreakable imaan is knowing that one day they will meet their “DESIGNER”… so they make the effort of facing this life with patience, perseverance and most importantly Prayer…

LAST BUT NOT LEAST :

My advice to those brothers/sisters who are struggling through painful situations, in this temporary life…

1. Be your honest best, with fairness and justness in everything you undertake. As long as you try your honest best, you will have no regrets, nor find the need to apologise for anything. Watch out for developing arrogance and excessive self confidence by having the mindset that you are always right and perfect and that is just how it is..
(“Nor walk on the earth with insolence: for thou can not rend the earth asunder, nor reach the mountains in height.(The Noble Quran, 17:37)“)

2. Do not have expectations, for no gain in this life is a gain, and certainly no loss in this life is a loss. Keep saying to yourself, “I will only do what is right and pleasing to ALLAH, I will do my honest best and leave all decisions, outcomes and consequences to ALLAH….

3. Keep a positive attitude and a smile on your face, no matter how difficult your trials are, do not throw pity parties by creating lies and gossiping for sympathy, rather give everyone around you a reason to smile with you and hold you in high regard and that will have them saying, no matter what he/she is going through, they have not stooped to levels of sympathy seeking, but rather being positive by maintaining confidence in yourself and most importantly in ALLAH, and that is someone we choose to surround ourselves with…

4. As our beloved Nabi said to his best friend and companion Abu Bakr Al Siddique, who had been crying and shaking, don’t be upset. ALLAH IS WITH US!!!!

5. NOW TAKE A DEEP BREATH, CLOSE YOUR EYES AND REPEAT AFTER ME…

MY CURRENT SITUATION IS NOT MY PERMANENT DESTINATION….

We need to toughen up and deal with life’s ISSUES with the strongest of imaan and the purest of trust, NOT IN ANY EVIL VICE OR ANYTHING THAT DOES NOT PLEASE ALLAH…

TRUST ONLY IN ALLAH!!!!!

Now instead of ALLAH WHY ME???

Rather.. ALLAH TRY ME!!!!!

Bitterness.. The venom that destroys your heart, mind and soul..

The actions of a bitter person often leads to him/her wanting to control everything and everyone around them, it is the most toxic way anyone can live their lives..

Your need for wanting to be in charge can lead to you turning to all the wrong sources of “looking for help” to be in control….

You may get the effect you want now, but remember nothing in this borrowed life is permanent so no matter how much money you spend trying to get things going your way… It will not last..

Bitterness Exposed

None of us ever wants to be bitter. But like a thief in the midst of the night it sneaks up on us..

What is bitterness you ask?

Bitterness is simply built up pain and anger that has been left to ferment from within. The more you hold onto past experiences the more you become intoxicated on those unforgiven moments and the experience hijacks happiness you can find.. Leading that to create a whole new type of character trait…

Bitterness occurs when you feel someone has taken something from you that you are powerless to get whatever it is back, and when you do muster up the courage to get yourself away from whatever was holding you down, that new controlling character trait starts growing inside, spreading like a disease, consuming and turning everything good into everything evil, dark and vile…

Holding on to what suppressed you in an attempt to remind yourself and others of the injustice you have experienced in the hope that someone will save you and restore what you have lost. Unfortunately, bitterness only makes your sense of the injustice grow. It does nothing to heal the wound caused by the injustice. In fact, it causes the wound to become infected with anger and fester. It causes you to want snatch away happiness from those around you to feel a sense of “I am now in control, this is now my circus and you are my monkey”… To you this may seem right and the only way, but logically the only person you are hurting is you, and the only person controlled is you and that to by the anger you have allowed to fester inside you… Still want to blame the hthe person who caused the hurt?, I think not!!!

Bitterness.. “Anger’s nasty sibling” …

Bitterness is anger’s little sister. Where anger can be just and moral, it propels you to seek solutions for the wrongs you have experienced in all the wrong places, anger is a deadly sin because it becomes ugly rage that feeds on itself and adds to wreckage caused by the original wound. Bitterness does this too, but instead of burning down the house with everything we value still inside, bitterness is quieter, slowly poisoning your life until you lose it one joy at a time

I will now give you a few ways you can overcome the Deadliness that Devours and Destroys our souls….

1. Forgiveness…

Forgiving the wrong doer does not mean that you have to now pretend everything is “OKAY.” Neither does it now mean forgetting the pain, forgiveness is simply the act of surrendering our desire for revenge and wanting to be in control, releasing that evil desire to hurt those around you for someone hurting and causing you pain.

Forgiveness is the gift you need to gift yourself with and this will enable you to stop picking at the scab and start making a plan for healing…

2. Making a plan..

Forgiveness allows you to free the chained energy you need to start the healing process. If the person who hurt you is willing to work with you, try mapping out exactly what changes or effort you both would need to see from each other, to let you know that it is safe to reconcile or not, however remaining civil toward each other and the situation. If you choose to be on your own, focus your energy on making a plan for how will you strive to regain as much of what was lost or taken from you as possible. The more you strive to find alternative ways to recoup your losses, the less bitter you will feel even if the hurt persists. It can be tempting to give into feeling that “there’s nothing I can do”, but resist the temptation. In fact, if you feel this way and cannot think of solutions, talk to a professional to check your math before deciding that you just need to grieve your loss. If, after consultation, you find that there really is nothing you can do to reclaim what was lost or taken from you, focus your energy on developing new goals that will help you reconstruct a compelling future. The Qur’an has many beautiful ways you can heal without wanting to destroy everything around you by that ghastly disease called CONTROL…

3. Stop Dwelling and Re-telling..

When hurt, we have a tendency to play and replay the painful events over and over in our minds or tell anyone who will listen about our pain, over and over again. We need to talk to people that can help us heal the hurt, facilitate reconciliation or help us rebuild our lives, but other than that, we should do what we can to stop dwelling on the pain and stop speaking of it so freely to others. When we are tempted to “dwell or re-tell” the best course of action is to refocus on what we can do “HERE AND NOW” to take a step toward refining or actualizing the plan we developed in Step 2 (making a plan). The more you are focused on solutions, the less you will experience the sense of powerlessness that comes from ruminating on the hurt and the less you will binge on the idea of revenge…

4. Seeking Guidance…

It is nearly impossible to heal wounds without Almighty’s grace and guidance. Bitterness causes us to shun Allah’s grace in favor of obsessing over the wound. If you are holding on to bitterness I encourage you to take it to your musallah. Please do not be insulted by the suggestion. I know that you are the victim and you have a right to your pain, but as much as you have the right to hurt, turning to Allah should be the only form of assistance we seek, holding on to anything except almighty’s love, mercy and healing power separates us from Allah and sends you straight down the the dark evil path of doing whatever it takes to forget the pain.
Dua can open your heart to receive the healing Allah wants you to recieve. It will help surrender the pain and powerlessness and begin to discover new options. Stop hoarding your hurt. Make your desire for healing official by taking your tendency to dwell in the powerlessness straight to Allah.

5. Seeking Help…

If the bitterness will not let go after you have tried all of the above, it is time to seek professional help. Working with a professional in both fields can help you see possibilities that your pain has blinded you to and give you new tools to heal the wounds that are holding you back…

You do not have to be bitter or consumed by feelings of powerlessness and sadness. Take control of you and your heart, control how you feel, control your actions..

Do not fall short on asking Allah for help, do not plant that bitter root, do not cause trouble and defile anyone…

Do put your trust only in Allah, trust that only Allah can set you free, break that chain of bitterness that has been burnt into your soul, only with the help of Allah will there be less pain, no desire to control anyone but your own nafs, and you will discover that there is so much more to life than pain…

Virtues of Patience and Gratitude..

PATIENCE :

The mother of all virtues it certainly is..

Patience/Sabr, allows us to reflect so that one can be appreciative of the substance, circumstances, wonders, encounters, pleasures, pains, accomplishments, irony, riddle, answers, anticipation of life, or be remorseful for actions of oneself that lead to the forgiveness of oneself and others.

It allows room for growth to forgive and make amends to ones and others. It is the primary component for persistance, steadfastness, diligence, self-analysis, friendship, sincerity, understanding, Love, & wisdom.

With patience the ant can eat the elephant. With patience and steadfastness the tortoise won the race against the hare.

Patience will allow one to understand, prevent hasty uninformed decisions, and give room to the balance between heart and head when making decisions about complex matters.

Patience is the mother of resolve, whispering into the ear to give the benefit of the doubt, to be forebeaing, to imagine the shoe on the other foot, to eshew envy, to be grateful, to be optimistic,to look at the entire gameboard of Life.

Patience is always tested no matter how much you think you have there is always need for more. When used more patience is required to acquire more skill at using patience. Through patience we can know tge best version of ourselves, because patience removes the veils that conceal the treasures within us.

Patience helps to answer the largest one word question. Why? Patience has hospitality to “Why,” and to its cousin, “Why not”.

Patience is the best companion for unrequited Love, and the pending death or illness of oneself or of kith and kin (one’s relations) . Patience holds the hand, strokes the brow and wipes the tear, when sorrow visits.

Patience sharpens the sense of humour to help one laugh at oneself. Patience shows the path to piety, through which learning & discovery comes.

Caterpillar sheds its skin to free the butterfly within.

Courage and discretion are children of Patience. Creativity & imagination become manifest because of the patience of meticulous, diligent, & deliberate effort.

GRATITUDE :

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others….

Picking a favorite virtue is like picking a favorite child. It’s the kind of thing you are supposed to pretend not to do but that everyone does anyway. We can toss chastity and temperance out of the ring straight off, obviously. They are important, in their own right, but exactly no one is going to make them contenders for the title. Same for thrift and simplicity. Nice to have, but not first-tier virtues. Fellowship is fine, but a luxury.

And justice?, that is the virtue we would much rather have done unto others than practiced on ourselves. No thanks.

Knowledge acquired through curiosity grounds your other virtues, while leaving to you the choice of what those virtues will be. “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.” It is the alpha, the point from which all virtues must begin. Gratitude that allows us to appreciate what is good, to discern what should be defended and cultivated.

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.” It is the alpha, the point from which all virtues must begin. Gratitude that allows us to appreciate what is good, to discern what should be defended and cultivated.

You need not believe in God to pursue the virtues (though it certainly helps). Yet if you do believe, then your first instinct in all things must be gratitude: for creation, for love, for mercy. And even if you do not believe, you must start again from gratitude: That a world grown from randomness could have turned out so fortuitously, with such liberality.

“We value these things not because they are triumphant and invincible but because they are precious and vulnerable, because they were not fated to happen, and they are not certain to survive. They need us and our gratitude for them should move us to defend them and to build on them.”

Gratitude magnifies the sweet parts of life and diminishes the painful ones. It is the wellspring of humility and ambition, the magnetic pole for prudence, the platform for courage, the inducement to charity and mercy. And in addition to everything else, gratitude is the engine for progress: We build not because we are dissatisfied with the world as it is, but because we are grateful to all those who have built it to this point, and wish to repay them by making our own contributions to their work.

None of this is to say that the world is perfect it is not. But if it’s to be improved, that improvement will come, one person at a time, through the exercise of virtue—through the conscious decision of all of us to try to be better people, to live better lives, and to make a better world. All of which begins, from first light, with saying “Thank you” for what we have, right here and right now..

We were all created with a individually unique purpose to through journey called LIFE..

Almighty created us all with unique purpose. What is your’s?

A purpose you ask???

Most of those who reflect or Introspect about life in any sort of detail will consider and ponder this question. Some would hold that the purpose of life was to acquire wealth.

Yet suppose they were to acquire millions, what then would they claim is their purpose after doing so?

If the purpose of life is to become wealthy, there would be no purpose after becoming wealthy.

The fact is that when people approach their purpose here in this life from the aspect of only gaining wealth, once that wealth is obtained their true purpose is lost and then they live in restless tension suffering from a feeling of worthlessness with all that wealth.

How could wealth then be considered the purpose of anyone’s life?

Could the acquisition of wealth guarantee happiness?

Of course not.

A child of 5 years of age, would obviously prefer a new toy to a deposit slip for a million rands.

A teenager does not consider millions of rands in the bank a substitute for movies, videos, pizza and hanging out with his/her friends.

A person in their 80s or 90s would never consider holding on to their wealth in place of spending it to hold on to or regain their health.

This proves that money is not the main purpose of one’s life.

Wealth can do little or nothing to bring happiness to one who is a disbeliever in Allah, because regardless of what he or she would gain in this life they would always live in fear of what will happen to them in the end. They would wonder what would become of them and how they would end up.

Wealth and its accumulation as a purpose would be doomed to a temporary success at best and in the end it would only spell out self destruction.

So, what is the use of wealth to a person without belief? He would always fear his end and would always be skeptical of everything. He may gain a great material wealth but he would only lose himself in the end.

To a Muslim the whole purpose of life is “ibadah” or worship to the One True Almighty on Terms and under His Conditions.

The term “worship” to a Muslim includes any and all acts of obedience to Almighty Allah.

So his purpose of life is a standing purpose; Worshipping Allah by accepting Allah’s Will over his own.

This act of ibadah [worshipping, thanking and extolling the Greatness Almighty Allah on His Terms and Conditions] is for the Muslim, throughout his whole life regardless of the stage. Whether he is a child, adolescent, adult or aged person, he is seeking after the Will of the Almighty in all these stages.

His life here on earth although short, is full of purpose and is totally meaningful within the complete framework of total submission [Islam].

Similarly, in the Next Life as well, his faith, intentions, attitudes and good deeds will all be weighed into his account as favorable putting him in high esteem with his Creator and Sustainer.

Because Islam teaches that this life is only a test or trial for the individual to show him his true nature it is only natural that he would accept death as not so much an ending to everything but more as a beginning of the final and lasting life in the Hereafter.

Before entering into either of the final lodging places i.e.; Heaven or Hell, there will be a Day of Judgement and showing of one’s true self to make them aware of their own nature and thereby understand what they have sent on ahead during the life here on the earth.

Every person will be rewarded [or punished] according to their attitude, appreciation and efforts during this stay on earth. None will be asked about the actions and beliefs of others, nor will anyone be asked regarding that which he was unaware of or incapable of doing.

As the life here is considered as an examination for the individual, the death stage is considered as a resting period after the test. It could be easy for those who were faithful and dedicated or it could be grueling and horrible for the wicked.

Reward and punishment will be in direct proportion to each person and it is only Allah, alone who will be the Final Judge over us all.

So in the teachings of the True Surrender, Submission, Obedience, In Sincerity and Peace to the Almighty One God [Islam], the line of life and its purpose is logical, clear and simple:

The first life is a test

The life in the grave is a resting or waiting place before the Day of Judgment

The Day of Judgment brings about the clear understanding of what will now happen to the individual based on his own desires and actions

The Permanent or Afterlife will either be spend in luxurious splendor or miserable punishment .

Following this clear understanding of life, the Muslim’s purpose is clear.

First of all, he has no doubt in his mind that:

he is only created by Allah

he is going to spend a period of time in this material world [called “Ad Dunyah” in Arabic]

he knows he will die

he knows he will spend time in the grave, either pleasant or difficult depending on his own choice of attitude and actions

he knows he will be resurrected for the Day of Judgment

he knows he will be judged according to the most fair of standards by Allah the Almighty, the All

Knowing he realizes his attitude and actions are going to come under very close scrutiny

he knows that this short life compared to the Eternal Life was in fact, only for a test

This life is very meaningful and purposeful to the Believing Muslim, as he realizes that it will determine is outcome and permanent position in the Next Life.

The Muslim’s permanent purpose is to Surrender, Submit, Obey, in Purity and Peace to Allah the Almighty, carrying out His Orders and staying in some form of worship to Him as much as possible everyday.

This includes the orders of Allah in His Book, the Holy Quran and His final Messenger and Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him as follows:

Believing and declaring that “There is no god throughout all the Creation of Allah that is worthy of worship, all worship is due only to Allah, alone and He has no partners or helpers nor does He share His Lordship with any of His creations. And Muhammad, the son of Abdullah ibn Abdul Mutallib (1450 years ago) is the last and final messenger and servant of Almighty Allah, and is the culmination in a long line of prophets sent to mankind throughout man’s history, including Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, David, Solomon, Jesus Christ, may Almighty Allah’s Peace and Blessings be upon them all.”

Establishing the regular five times ritualistic prayer [salah] in the stated times (in the mosques for the men when possible)

Paying the charity tax [Zakat = about 2.5% of one’s holdings – not his income, annually]

Fasting the month of Ramadhan [lunar calendar]

Pilgrimage to the House of Allah in Mecca at least once in the life of the person, provided he has the ability and the way is safe..

For a disbeliever the purpose of this life is to collect and amass great wealth, money, power and position. Over indulging in eating, drinking, drugs, sex and gambling are a high priority to them. But all of this will not avail them anything good in the grave, on the Day of Judgment or in the Next Life. Eventually he will be faced with the question:

Now what?

What’s Next?

Where am I going?

What will happen to me?

He will come to know. For sure he will come to know. But then what will the knowledge avail him?

Look how Islam solves the mystery of the puzzle of life. It provides the answers to the questions and concerns of the human beings on all levels and in every aspect. It is really quite simple.

The purpose of life as understood by the Believing Muslim can be simply stated in only two (2) words:

Obey God.

Our only purpose and salvation lie in these two words.

We must come to know our Creator, Sustainer and Ultimate Judge. We must learn to believe in Him, thank Him, praise Him, honor Him and worship Him, alone without any partners from His Creation. We must learn about His Messengers and Prophets, peace be upon them, and the message with which they were all sent. We must learn the Word of God as was directly revealed, preserved and memorized and passed down by memory throughout all the generations of Muslims to the present day.

Those who are in search of truth, having open minds and hearts will recognize this as a message in truth and sincerity. Open your heart and your mind now and ask the Almighty God of the Universe [Allah] to guide you now to His True Way. And then be ready to accept your true purpose in life.

Living with no regret..

“Living a life with no mistakes and without any regret is extraordinarily hard to accomplish. A lifetime of making choices brings with it the knowledge that at least a few actions were ill-considered… And through lifes path we do accumulate regret..

Living life without regret is difficult, chances are you already have a regret or two, who knows maybe more…

Regret is “an insight gained a day too late.”

1. Make time

“I just do not have the time, time is not in my side, there is not near enough in a day anymore..”, do these common excuses sound familiar? These weak excuses can keep you a distance from your biggest dreams to your smallest goals.

Even if you think you don’t have enough time, you need to learn to make the time…

2. Do the things that push your potential to be everything you can be…

When people talk about regret, they often mention the things they wish they had done. But it is more specific than that. It is not just action, it is fulfilling those actions that matter most. It is about getting up and making it happen, not waiting for it to happen. Procrastination is the worst habit one can ever form..

Do you have any idea what the common theme of regret is???

Well…. It is the failure to reach our full potential…

It has been described as self-actualization, the realization or fulfillment of an individuals talent and the ability of becoming the best version of yourself…

Think about some ways people express regret…

Would my life have been any different today if my choices yesterday were better?

Should i have maybe studied harder, or saved more?

I say do not be so hard on yourself, no-one really knows what the future holds, and if it is meant to be it will be anyway, good choice or bad…

People often regret unrealized potential, the unexplored skills or wasted opportunities for personal development. It is important to find something meaningful and fulfilling that can challenge you and make you grow as a person. However if it does not serve you then break the habit…

3. Live by these words: “It’s better to try and fail, than to have never tried at all”

Imagine putting all your effort into achieving a massive goal, but you fail to make it happen.

Now imagine a second person who has the same exact aspirations but never even tries. They do not make the effort of taking that crucial first step because they cannot find, or do not have the courage.

Despite failing, you are still leaps and bounds ahead of the second person. You tried. That is something you can feel proud about for the rest of your life. The other person can only wonder “what if…”

4. Listen to your “shoulds”

It is usually the, “i should have done”, that are the things we often regret the most.

“I should have made more of my life”

“I should have told my dad I loved him before it was to late.”

“I should have never been so kind to all the wrong people.”

“I should have respected myself more and left sooner rather than allowing anyone to manipulate and control me.”

Think about this for a minute. Years from now, what will you say you should be doing right now? Reflect on the answers until you understand all the “shoulds” you have floating around in your head.

5. Use your negatives as a mentor..

I do not see unhappiness as a completely negative emotion. Sure, it may not be a pleasant feeling, but it serves a useful purpose. Are you someone who sees things as:

A LESSON OR A BLESSING!!!

OR RATHER A BLESSING IN EVERY LESSON???

Sadness is a signal that something in your life needs to change. Think of it as a signpost telling you that you are heading in the wrong direction. Listen to it. Learn from it. If you completely ignore or avoid it, you are missing out on an opportunity to make positive changes and get on the path that is right for you.

6. Act on your impulses more often…

As i had mentioned earlier, the actions we did not act upon, are the ones we most regret…

What keeps us away from taking action to begin with?

Psychologically, we put more emphasis on immediate consequences more than long-term ones. For example, someone will stay in a job they hate far too long simply to avoid the short term pain of quitting. Naturally, when they are still in that job years later, they regret not having quit sooner.

One way to get around this obstacle is to act on your impulses. Get into the habit of making quick decisions and immediately doing them…

Start thinking on your feet….

The longer you wait to take action, the more you tend to focus on the short-term consequences rather than the long-term benefits. In a way, you talk yourself out of doing it.

With each passing minute, your will to act weakens. Then you just put off a decision you wish you had made sooner.

7. Find the silver lining to bad decisions…

If you have ever made a mistake, two maybe ten, then let me now say, congratulations, you are human. With all the decisions and choices we face, we are bound to do or say something we wish we had not…

Rather than looking at those bad decisions as something you wish to so badly forget, you can use them to move into a better space as well as future. See each negative hurtful situation as an opportunity to learn and grow wiser. If you can use the bad decisions from your past to make you a better person today, you will feel better about them and they will have served a useful purpose.

For many, those insights come decades too late.

Instead of waiting to see what regrets await me, I choose to rather take action here and now…

The choices we make and The chances we take.. Determine our Destiny..

We are free to choose our actions, but we have no control over the consequences of those actions…

People forget the great power they possess within, the power to shape their lives..

Our lives are shaped by the choices we make.

You are the one who chooses how to live your life or create your life’s path.

Our future will not be determined by chance, but rather by the choices we make today.

Life is a series of choices.

I like to call it the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY.

The choices we make now affect the options available for the next round of choices.

Learning how and what to choose, may be the most important information you can educate yourself with. There is no such thing as perfection or even the perfect human being.

Everyone has flaws whether we choose to accept ìt or NOT, whether we like it or NOT, but it is not something to become tense or even stress about.

It is our imperfections that make us imperfectly perfect human beings.

These imperfections school us about ourselves and the mistakes we make in life.

Lessons learnt from those mistakes tend to teach us how to be better and not make us bitter.

Fortunate are those who make the concerted effort to learn from those mistakes, and by not letting those very mistakes rule them, now they become a step closer to being better than they were the mistake before, being a tad more knowledgeable as to whether the next act should be a good or bad one.

There are moment’s in our lives when we find ourselves at crossroads.

The choices we make in those moments can define the present and determine the future.

And, of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back.

Which i totally disagree with no matter how painful or difficult the adversity, move forward, fight against every obstacle and you will without a doubt find success.

There may be times we make choices that cause our path to become tough, confusing and uncertain.

Our path seems like a series of hills and valleys, there is never any balance.

When this happens, we should stop and examine the choices we made that have lead us down this path.

We should evaluate those choices and identify alternatives or new choices that will bring us back to our true path, the one we originally created.

If you have chosen to be someone who wants to keep on judging, then go ahead, do not expect any better from anyone else…

If you choose to live a deceitful, disgraceful, unethical life, then please don’t expect nature to do you any favors, if you have turned away from Allah for that quick fix solution, I suggest you kick the habit and repent, as it is never to late for Allah’s mercy and forgiveness…

Once again we shape our lives by the choices we make…

If you do not make a decision and by this i mean all the right choices and decisions, then time will make it for you and time will always side against you…

Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions…

The Choices We Make Determine the People We Become.

Knowledge is a tree

Words are it’s leaves

But Action is it fruit

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, then you have become a leader.”

Marriage is Ugly..

Marriage is ugly, you see the absolute worst in someone. You see them when they are mad, sad, being stubborn, when they are so unlovable they make you scream. But you also get to see them when they are laughing so hard that tears run down their face, and they cannot help but let out those weird gurgling noises.

You see them at 3am when the world is asleep except you two, and you are eating in the middle of the kitchen floor. You get to see the side of them that no one else does, and it is not always pretty. Its snorting while laughing, its the tears when it feels like its all crashing down, its the farting, its the bedhead and bad breath, its the random dances, its the anger and the joy.

Marriage is not a beautiful thing, but it is amazing. It is knowing that someone loves you so much, and will not leave you even though you said something nasty. It is having someone have your back no matter what. Its fights over stupid things, like someone not doing the dishes or picking up after themselves. And it’s those nights you fall asleep in each others arms, feeling like there will never be enough time with them. It is cleaning up their throw up, or just rubbing their back when they are sick. It is the dirtiest, hardest, most rewarding job there is.

Because at the end of the day you get to crawl into bed with your best friend, the weirdest, most annoying, loving, goofy, perfect person that you know. Marriage is not beautiful, but it is one heaven of a ride. ❤️

What you allow will continue..

Having a doormat is good… Being one????

NOT SO GOOD!!!!

What you allow will continue…

If you think about it, what in the world could possibly be more motivational and empowering than knowing that we are always in complete control of what we allow into our lives…

I will take that a step further…

I believe that if we remember this very powerful saying and live the truth in these words on a daily basis, our lives and our world would become more positive in an instant.

But let’s be real.

Lots of people know that it is true, but they keep allowing the same nonsense to flow into their lives anyway. Predictably, what will continue to faithfully show up in their lives is more of the garbage that they are trying to avoid.

Maybe you are one of those people.

I know that I used to be. Actually, in many areas of my life, I still am that person.

I want this piece to serve as your wake-up call..

WAIT….

Scratch that, OUR wake-up call.

We are in this together.

Effective immediately, it is time for you, me, and anyone who is listening to these words to become more mindful of what we allow into our lives...

WE TEACH OTHER’S HOW TO TREAT US…

What are you allowing to continue in your life?

Are you allowing your significant other to treat you like a second-class citizen in your own home?
Is one of your “friends”…(I’m using that term loosely)… constantly taking advantage of your kindness and generosity?
Do you keep mentally divorcing your wife/husband only to moments later want to stay married because he or she says that’s what they want and again at that given point till the next fight….
Do you have a co-worker or boss who consistently treats you in a condescending manner?
Are you slowly destroying your health through unhealthy habits?

To cut straight to it, is there anyone in your life “(YES, INCLUDING YOU)” who is consistently treating you like down graded trash???

If so, the bad news is that you are the one allowing it to continue.

Yes, you!!!!

The good news is that you can stop allowing this too happen, but only when you are ready too….

So, are you ready?

I know i am….

Are you with me in taking a stand to protect YOU from anymore mental and emotional torture?

Sounds pretty simple right?

WRONG!!!!!

Unfortunately it’s not that simple, yes you heard right…

What we are allowing, will continue!!!

If you jump straight into fixing the situation rather than yourself first…

Sorry to be blunt, but it is just not that simple…

We either allow ourselves to have our kindness taken advantage of on a daily basis, or we DO NOT..
We either allow ourselves to spend the rest of our lives in jobs that slowly destroy our souls, or we DO NOT..
We either allow ourselves to stay in abusive and/or loveless relationships, or we DO NOT..
We either believe in ourselves and our dreams, or we DO NOT..
We either allow ourselves to abuse the only body that we will ever have, or we DO NOT..
We either allow ourselves to believe our excuses about why we allow ourselves to be treated like dirt, or we DO NOT..

Just in case anyone is rolling their eyes right now, or muttering to him/herself , this lady just does not get it….

Let me be painfully clear about something.

Just because it is simple does not mean that it will be easy.

That is simply because making the world a more positive place is not easy..

Only the serious need to apply for that gig.

The decision to honor ourselves is a simple one. However, in order to make that decision a reality, it will require some very hard work.

It may very well be the hardest thing that we will ever do in our lives..

Mainly because doing so will mean that we will have to completely reject our excuses..

I personally know of a lot of people who have stayed in miserable, loveless, and even abusive relationships. Relationships that should have ended years ago, but they stayed in those relationships solely because of their kids.

Do not become another statistic my sweet…

Is that any reason to stay???

Do these kids NOT get even more messed up just by us as parents stay, using them as thee excuse, and my emphasis being “EXCUSE”….

This excuse deserves some serious rethinking.

Given the choice, is it not much better for kids to come from a broken home rather than live in one??

Spouses spending their days either giving each other the ice-cold silent treatment, screaming/cursing at each other, or sleeping in separate rooms.

In my opinion, kids are much more aware of these things than we give them credit for, and subjecting them to that kind of environment repeatedly cannot be the healthiest thing in the world.

In the end, we can dream up as many excuses as we want..

Worse of all we actually end up believing a few of those excuses too.

Unfortunately, there is NO EXCUSE in the world that can change the unshakable truthfulness of this…

“WHAT WE ALLOW IS WHAT WILL CONTINUE”

It may take a lot of work to cut out toxic people from our lives, it is even harder work making the conscious choice, honoring and loving ourselves unconditionally, but even if it is hard work, it cannot be any harder than allowing ourselves to be constantly treated like dirt, every other second, of each passing day… right?????

Don’t over-complicate this for another second.

Honoring yourself is simpler than you think.

If you are currently allowing yourself to experience a life that is less than what you know you deserve, it is worth it to ask yourself this very difficult, and non-sugarcoated, questions…

What will it take for me to no longer accept this pain or the scraps that life is offering me???

Do i not deserve better???

I have had to ask myself those very questions on many occasions, and having looked deep within, it woke me up from years (YES, very painful years) of making excuses instead of taking ownership over my life..

Blame becomes easy, but have you stopped to ask yourself…

WHO IS REALLY TO BLAME, him/her for the abuse, or YOU for allowing it to continue… Food for thought hmmmm..

How many more years are we willing to lose?

Years that we will never get back..

Mind you dealing with mindless drama, emotional abuse, disrespect are far worse on a constant basis….

Please believe that if you continue to allow yourself to be treated like dirt, you will eventually be introduced to the agonizing pain of never again…

This pain will change your life for the better, but it will hurt unlike any emotional pain that you have ever experienced in your life.

The good news is that once you experience this life altering pain, there is no excuse in the world that will stop you from doing the right thing.. MAKE SENSE???

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. The gift of life is yours. It is an amazing journey, and you alone are responsible for the quality of it… You are the author of your story so make it a good one, make it a story no-one will want to put down…

But most importantly always let the core of your story revolve only around Allah…

Need only Allah..

Trust only Allah..

A woman of unexplainable strenght..

She rejoices in ALLAH with a grateful heart and a joyful spirit

She possesses the ability to genuinely say to another woman:

“I admire your qualities and attributes”

She is blessed with the gift of giving and a willingness to help others

She consoles others even though she too is hurting

She learns from her mistakes and acknowledges that she too is not perfect

She speaks with words of wisdom and not malice

From the mouths of destruction, her smile remains unshaken

She lifts her head and continues to walk in the midst of turmoil

She inspires other women to be the best they can be

With her life experiences, she touches the lives of a multitude

She remains determined to be the best person SHE can be

She smiles every time she says “I LOVE YOU”

She has the courage to take the fall for another

She is not too proud to say “I need you”

When her tears fall, she prays faithfully

When others turn their back on her, she still continues to pray faithfully

She is humble enough to admit when she is wrong

Through betrayal and talk, she remains secure in knowing who she is

She is loving enough to say “I forgive you”

She is at peace with herself without having the need to prove herself to anyone

She values her self-worth and reminds other women of theirs

She is not pretentious but instead she presents herself just as she is…

“A WOMAN OF STRENGTH”

THE ONLY WOMAN I BELIEVE, DESERVE THIS KIND OF PRAISE IS NONE OTHER THAN OUR MOTHER’S….

MAY ALLAH TA’ALLAH GRANT US DAUGHTERS THE HIDAYAH, TO GO THROUGH THIS BORROWED LIFE WITH HAYA AND CEMENTED IMAAN AND THE ABILITY

TO BE HALF THE WOMAN OUR MOTHER’S ARE

I AM WOMAN..

I get into an argument with a man, he slaps me… I feel the pain …

You provoked him …

You should have been quiet…

You looked for it…

… Apologise, they say???

Did ALLAH fashion me out of stone? Am i supposed to roll over and play dead because I’m a woman????

I get into an argument with a man, I slap him…

You have no respect, they hurl at me in anger…

Is this the upbringing your parents gave you…

You need to remember your place, they say…

Apologize they say…

Because i am a woman, i do not have a right to anger. So the degree of my innocence, is directly proportional to the degree of my silence, in the face of oppression and brutality….

Because i am a woman, my husband cheats on me, accusingly questioned as though i have sinned, well what have you done to provoke this, my son would never do that, well one woman to another, would you allow this to happen to your very own daughter?????

They tell me to tolerate and overlook, divorce is not an option, you will save this marriage, The barbaric and lame excuse, men are weak, it is in their nature. Lose weight they say, dress better, pray a little harder and no matter what be more pleasant to him he will come around…

Seriously… In Allah’s name…

Okay girl take a step back, you got this … Just breath #sigh

I receive love and attention and to them i am a cheat.. I am belittled and disgraced, because someone thinks I deserved to be loved… To them i am irresponsible and unfaithful…

Unfaithful for love that came to me….

Am i not human i ask?

If he had the right to break such sacred vows, why am i to pay the price by simply existing and not living?

Am i stone i ask, am i not human????

They send me packing, from the home we both built, with all my earthly possessions stuffed in a box, that you stuck together, and you are woman too, how can you do this to one woman when you are woman too i ask????

I am forbidden from seeing this man now, a man you gave authority to wrong…

Three years have gone by so painfully, with such shame and so much of verbal brutality… I have become cheap because i decided i too am important, I am not worthy as a woman because i choose to be who God created me to be, i was wrong for wanting to be loved, yet mother of his you asked me with disgust that horrid day “what have you done to make him do this”???

He is 30 plus and runs a company now, to the public he’s known as wonderful, hardworking, focused, career orientated, successful at a very young age… But wait…

Does nobody see that he is still a womanizer?????

I am 37, i run my own company, depend on only my Lord for provision, i am successful, i too am career orientated and hardworking…. But as i walk by all i hear is, she is not even married, so unserious about life, no priorities, a real hustler, she loves money, wait till she finds a husband he will put her in her place…

All i can do is laugh… Yes at 37 i am single, but happy… i make my own hustle and i do prioritise… and no i will never need a man to define me… not let negivity bring me down, i wonder how these people can assume success is based on one’s gender????

Because i am a woman, i am not allowed to be witty or to be a prodigy, i am not allowed success or to be financially buoyant…. Because i am a woman i do not deserve respect without a man by my side???

I am classed cheap, a run around. They never see the possibility that i actually had to go through so much, the ups, the downs, the highs, the lows to get to where i am today????

Because i am a woman!!!!

A man looses a wife through death and remarried just weeks later, he did the right thing????

A woman looses her husband through death and decided to remarry once her kids are married off and settled and she becomes so they say “hard up for a man”… she must have been jolling with him when hér husband was still alive… she must have had something to do with his death that witch…

Why does a man get praised for moving on with life, yet a woman’s name and reputation gets tarnished..

Because she is a woman???

Because i am a woman the piece that i have just related to you, will be considered controversial, you will want to correct me.. But let’s not forget that i am a woman and it does not make me less human ….

Truth or Lie…..

I AM WOMAN….

There is always a way..

You are all alone..

You feel like you are the only one on earth that has to deal with all of this hardship and pain, all these obstacles being placed in your path..

You sit back in the dark and you cry, you sob from deep down, no-one seems to understand the silent questions written all over your face..

You look over to your right, your prayer mat placed neatly on the bedside chair, you look up at the shelf above your bed, your Quran in that very fancy case you just had to have, full of dust and untouched. You want so badly to make that change, you so desperately want to make all this hurt go away…

Closing your eyes you take a deep breath and even though it hurts you take that breath anyway, it is killing you to think of how you had been saved on a daily basis, but chose to be blind to HIS presence..

You realise that you had to now take back what you turned away from, you know that turning to Allah, you will never be let down nor would you fall without assistance in getting back up..

You walk over to the wash basin, look into the mirror and say to yourself that this is the only way..

You make wudhu..

Sitting on that very musallah you refused to touch, you lift your hands and start making that much needed dua..

Asking Allah to save You, to fill your life with barakah and Rahma..

You beg Allah to protect you from shaitaan and his whisperings..

You feel a sense of ease because you know that you have now chosen a path that will Grant you all the contentment you so desired..

Mixed emotions, you feel afraid..

This new journey is a journey not for the faint at heart..

But you choose to have faith, you feel your imaan getting stronger..

You want the change, so you sit back, to relate and reminisce on all the vices that made you stray and you now realise that by turning to Allah, HE will never let you down, HE will never let you fall..

With a heavy heart and eyes full of tears, you lift your hands and you make dua, do not be afraid, have faith and take the leap, because Allah will never let you fall…

I need You

I trust you

My love is just for You

My Allah i promise today never to put anything above you..

Oh my Allah I need you, my Allah I need you..

Living VS Existing..

You just go through the day and feel as if you cannot change your life for the better?

Everything has been decided for you and you have no choice in what you do, wear or say?

Most days can feel like that.

You feel like you are drifting aimlessly through life.

Then there are those who wake up with a new type of buzz every morning, almost like a surge of energy has given them a powerful jolt for the day. They have things they look forward to and they do not know what is going to happen to them in the future nor do they have a care in the world, now these are the type of people who do not merely exist, but are also full of life..

Living vs. Existing

I think the biggest distinction between living and existing comes from how much control you have over life decisions.

Where do you see control coming from?

In general, someone who exists feels as if everything is outside of their control while someone living knows they determine the path their lives take…

Emotions have a big role to play in this. Someone who merely exists lets their emotions such as fear and anger dictate what they can and cannot do. Someone who is living understands these emotions, controls them and they do not let those emotions interfere with their decisions.

Someone who exists would stay in the same dead-end job for years despite being unsatisfied and unhappy. Their fears have trapped them and they have no plans of getting out. They have lost hope and just mindlessly go through the day in order to maintain the status quo.

But it goes much further than a job and salary. Someone who lets their fears control them will not take other actions that would improve their lives. They stay in relationships they do not like, never do things on their bucket/wish list and always put their dreams on hold.

People who simply exist exercise the same boring routine every day even though they do not really like it. They do not take any chances on improving their lives just so they can maintain their current comfortable lifestyle. This is because they are unable to take control of their decisions.

How to Stop Existing and Start Living

So how would you even know if you are someone who exists or lives?

Try this every morning, wake up each morning, look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself the same question, “If I was to die today, would I do what I am about to do?” If your answer is no too many days in a row, you need to make a change…

I think this is a good starting point especially for figuring out if you are just settling for just being an amateur…

If you are not getting excited or happy most days with what you are going to do, you need to take action and change something. This goes for every area of your life

Your attitude will change when describing, “someone who is living”…

You will not be content with doing a routine simply because you have done it the day before…

You will have to keep finding something that is meaningful to you and that brings you joy…

Otherwise you stop getting up in the morning because you want to and you start getting up because it becomes an obligation…

Once you know what you want to change, you will have to confront those fears holding you back and remind yourself that a change is now compulsory….

I realize this can be a scary process, I went through something similar… Many years ago I had a job I did not like. It was not horrible, but after several months of work I realized I had started going there only because of habit and not because I liked the work itself…

I knew I needed a change so after losing my dad I quit…

I had searched for other forms of employment, but still nothing that satisfied me….

It was really scary at first, but I knew quitting was the right thing to do. Today, I am glad I made the decision.

Be in Control of Your Life

In the end, you need to be the one making the decisions for your life. Nothing should tell you what to do, even your fears and doubts. If you have not already, you need to take back control and make life meaningful for yourself once again.

I know it can be easy to get stuck doing something because it is comfortable and has become habitual…

Do you think you are living or existing?

Are there things you have become comfortable with and need to change?

Choosing to live with an Attitude of Gratitude.. The gift of sight.. A beautiful flower..

Another stressful week had come to a very slow close..

Having completed her task of compiling her notes for that week, she slumped into her chair and stared blankly out her office window, a million and three thoughts running aimlessly through her mind..

Mentally, physically and emotionally fatigued, She was so over that week, and after the agonising day she had, all she could think of was getting out that creepy office building…

She sprung up got her stuff together and bid farewell to the dreary office walls and made her way out… As she stepped out onto the streets, into the midst of the chaos of everyday life, her feet pulled in one direction and one direction only…

A place she would find herself every time she knew she so desired contentment… The one place she knew she would find her calm… And so she walked…

To her luck her favorite park bench under the big old oak was deserted, quickly drawing closer, she sat down, hoping in that moment she would finally find some peace and quiet..

Under the long, straggly branches of the old oak tree..

Disillusioned by life, with what she thought was good reason to frown..

For she had believed that this cruel, cruel world had intention of dragging her down.. And as if that were not enough to ruin her day…

An unfamiliar young boy, panting and almost out of breath approached her, all exhausted from his play..

He raced up and stopped dead in his tracks, in her face, smiling shyly, his head tilted downward…

And said with the greatest of excitement, in that very moment nearly knocking her out her seat with shock…

“Look at what i found!”

He yelled with joy…

In his hand was a flower…

What an ugly, pitiful sight…

With every petal all wornout… Not enough rain, or too little light…

At that moment wanting so badly for him to leave her alone, needing him to take his dead flower and go back to his play…

She faked a small smile and then shuffled herself a little further away…

Instead of backing away, he sat next to her, sliding closer, placing the flower to his nose and declaring with overacted surprise…

“It sure smells pretty and it is beautiful, too…

That is why i picked it, here, this is for you…”

The weed she held in her hand was dying or close to dead…

Not vibrant of colors…

No orange, yellow or red…

She knew she was forced to take it or he would never leave…

So she reached for the flower, and replied, thank you,” this is just what i need…”

But instead of him placing the flower in her hand, he held it mid-air without reason or plan…

It was only then that she realised for the very first time, that this very young weed-loving boy could not see…

Oh my..

This energetic, life living little boy was blind…

She heard my voice quiver, tears shone in the sun, as she thanked him for picking thee most beautiful one…

“You are very welcome,” he smiled, and then in a swift jump, he was up and ran off to play, unaware of the impact he had had on her day…

She sat there in awe and wondered how he managed to see, a self-pitying woman beneath the old oak tree…

How did he know of her self-indulged plight?

Perhaps from his heart, he had been blessed with true sight…

Through the eyes of a blind child, at last she could see… She said to herself feeling so horribly low, the problem was not with the world, but the problem lied with me…

And for all of those times she chose to be blind…

She now vowed to see the beauty in life…

And appreciate every second that was to be hers…

She held the wilted flower up to her nose…

Closed her eyes and took a deep breath of the fragrance of a beautiful rose…

And smiled as she watched that blessed young boy, another weed in his hand…

About to change the life of an unsuspecting old man…

The moral of my piece today is…

EVERYTHING HAS BEAUTY, BUT NOT EVERYONE SEES IT…

You are treasured by Almighty..

Almost every one of us feels unimportant to be worthy of consideration, from time to time…

You may be great in one thing and yet helpless hopeless in the next, you may just be thee girl/guy of the show with one crowd and totally invisible to another.

Insignificance has more to do with how we feel about ourselves rather than our real value as individuals, in saying this i mean, what self-worth you portray is how people will perceive you.

FEELINGS VS FACTS:

We tend to feel somewhat worth less when people do not take notice or acknowledge us.. Are we really worth less, have we really become so dependent on what others think about or feel toward us?

You say it is hard to stand up and be noticed when we feel alone in a room full of people. I say stand tall and feel proud. Because at that point you may feel alone, but there is someone in that very room that sees and envies your true value, someone who wishes that they could have been the amazing, creative, loving soul that you are, every individual possesses some quality or trait that someone wishes they had, for some reason we always want to be better than who we envy, in actual fact we need to strive toward being the best version of us and that is all there is too it…

Feeling insignificant really hurts but regardless of our feelings, we do have real value. We are fashioned in Allah’s image, and he our most loved Allah created us for great things, sadly we change that Destiny by doing everything unpleasing to Allah..

Life chips away at our souls, but Allah sees us as priceless, worthy creations so why short change ourselves, we are imperfectly perfect and that to Allah is a true believer with strong imaan…

So much so, that Allah sends down most precious angels each time we make dua sincerely, to take our plea’s and our cries directly to HIM so HE can Grant us solace, serenity and everything HE thinks is best suited for us.

HOW ALLAH SEES US:

Allah sees us as an incredibly amazing valuable human beings..

Allah sees past our hurt and pain and through that sums up our real worth..

Better still, Allah is ready to take away the mess our lives have become and offer us healing and forgiveness for whatever wrong we have done, intentionally or not..

Instead of feeling insignificant, we can feel treasured by Allah. We can know and feel the joy of belonging.

YOU ARE TREASURED BY ALLAH:

When we receive Allah’s gift of forgiveness, we discover that we were chosen, hand selected by Allah.

That mercy and forgiveness leads to where we are valued and value others.

Instead of feeling invisible in that crowd, we understand that Allah sees us and our needs every moment of every single day..

START AND END YOUR DAY WITH THIS DUA:

Oh my beloved Allah, I am truly sorry for the wrongs i have committed. I am tired of feeling unimportant, please uplift my status Ya Rabb. I want to have a true relationship with you my most loved Allah. Please become the light to all of this darkness that has surrounded me. Shukran Ya Rabb for seeing the value in me and for helping me realise that all i have ever needed and will ever need is you. Help me to see myself through your eyes. Guide me and direct me onto the path that is most pleasing to you my Allah. For only your love and understanding of me is what i live for. Ya Allah help me to have a forgiving heart, especially to those who think low of me, give me sabr to endure their oppressive behaviour. Ya Allah forgive those who devalue innocent people for their own image, Grant them and us all hidayah to be better people. Ameen Ya Rabbul Alameen..

The pain you experience today is shaping for you the strenght you own tomorrow..

It is when you have woken up with a full day ahead of you after only two hours of sleep.

It is when there is nothing for you to do but stand by your friends as they deal with painful dillema’s and all the obstacles we have thrown in our paths…

It is when you do not know how to handle the situations in your life that are anything but black and white.

It is when you feel utterly helpless and powerless as you watch someone you care about aching with deep soul wounds that only come from losing the person that comprised the other half of their heart.

It is when your own heart feels as though it has been crushed beyond recognition over and over again.

It is when your path is entirely unclear and you do not know if the next step is solid ground or off a cliff.

It is when you are not sure if the decisions you made are the right ones or maybe not the right ones.

It is when it looks as though the world is irrevocably falling apart.

It is when it seems like people are becoming more and more disconnected, lonely, and afraid.

It is when you feel as though there is no way you can even begin to help fix any of it.

It is when you realize that, in spite of it all, you really are smart and strong enough to make it through step by step…

It is when you realize that just when you thought you had nothing left to give, you discover you actually have everything to give and much more.

It is when you want to give up on it all, but find that one thing that drives you to keep going.

It is easy to love and give and feel happy and alive when things are going well, when we feel as though the world is our oyster. But what happens when life feels as though it is caving in with a spirit crushing weight?

The past few months have been filled with many painful heart breaking events, recurrence of cancer being the scariest of them and at this point I asked myself do I sink or do I continue swimming??? Hoping along the way that Allah sends positivity or even glad tidings my way….

I chose to continue swimming!!!!

There would come times when we feel exhausted, burnt out, and desperately wanting to quit. At times like this, remember the goal and stay focused.

I remember that pain and discomfort are temporary, and the strength, endurance, flexibility, and functionality I am gaining is invaluable.

Working through life’s issues may seem like an insignificant comparison to major life events, the psychological training is the same. What you tell yourself in moments that seem unimportant is what re-emerge when things get hard…

As the saying goes, “You don’t rise to the level of your expectations, you fall to the level of your training.”

You do not grow when things are easy and effortless. You grow when you are being challenged, sometimes beyond what you think you are capable of handling.

We carry ideas of what we think loving and living are until something comes along and redefines how we see it all. Sometimes it redefines it by making it appear as though it’s completely broken or entirely gone.

But you know what the beautiful part of it all is?

Just because we think something is broken does not mean that it cannot be mended in some way.

Just because we think we cannot see something does not mean it is not there. The world around us reminds us of it all the time. The sun, moon, and stars silently show us that they exist even when there is too much in the way to see them…

It is not easy. It is really, really hard. In fact, sometimes it looks nearly impossible. How are we supposed to gather our scattered bits of resolve to rebuild the will to keep moving forward when all we really want to do is curl up and hide from the world?

It is those times we have to step aside and heal in whatever way we can, and in that time, remember find what keeps us going.

It is when we think we have no reason left to love, and sometimes when we question our very existence, that we have to allow ourselves to find and create a whole new beauty from what may have felt like an end.

Those who have endured some misfortune will always be set apart but it is just that misfortune which is their gift and which is their strength.

If we are open to the lessons from our hardship, misfortune, and heartbreak they will inevitably build within us an increasingly unshakable compassion, understanding, and love.

Losing so much of what i loved and watching as friends contend with their own losses, I have learned that when it seems things not be any worse, that is when it is most important to gather every last bit of will, courage and heart, forge the faith and never stop believing that love and life are worth every single moment.

Even those that break our hearts…

Hitting rock bottom emotionally, means that there is only way left.. And that is the way back up, claw your way up if you must, but get up nevertheless, if you slip back down, get up and keep moving till you see that silver lining again…

Those painful times should teach you how to live again, how to give again, those moments you so wish to forget should teach you how to love again…

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Connecting with your Nafs

So how do you win against your Nafs?

10 ways you can overcome your Nafs (commanding soul)

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