The actions of a bitter person often leads to him/her wanting to control everything and everyone around them, it is the most toxic way anyone can live their lives..
Your need for wanting to be in charge can lead to you turning to all the wrong sources of “looking for help” to be in control….
You may get the effect you want now, but remember nothing in this borrowed life is permanent so no matter how much money you spend trying to get things going your way… It will not last..
Bitterness Exposed
None of us ever wants to be bitter. But like a thief in the midst of the night it sneaks up on us..
What is bitterness you ask?
Bitterness is simply built up pain and anger that has been left to ferment from within. The more you hold onto past experiences the more you become intoxicated on those unforgiven moments and the experience hijacks happiness you can find.. Leading that to create a whole new type of character trait…
Bitterness occurs when you feel someone has taken something from you that you are powerless to get whatever it is back, and when you do muster up the courage to get yourself away from whatever was holding you down, that new controlling character trait starts growing inside, spreading like a disease, consuming and turning everything good into everything evil, dark and vile…
Holding on to what suppressed you in an attempt to remind yourself and others of the injustice you have experienced in the hope that someone will save you and restore what you have lost. Unfortunately, bitterness only makes your sense of the injustice grow. It does nothing to heal the wound caused by the injustice. In fact, it causes the wound to become infected with anger and fester. It causes you to want snatch away happiness from those around you to feel a sense of “I am now in control, this is now my circus and you are my monkey”… To you this may seem right and the only way, but logically the only person you are hurting is you, and the only person controlled is you and that to by the anger you have allowed to fester inside you… Still want to blame the hthe person who caused the hurt?, I think not!!!
Bitterness.. “Anger’s nasty sibling” …
Bitterness is anger’s little sister. Where anger can be just and moral, it propels you to seek solutions for the wrongs you have experienced in all the wrong places, anger is a deadly sin because it becomes ugly rage that feeds on itself and adds to wreckage caused by the original wound. Bitterness does this too, but instead of burning down the house with everything we value still inside, bitterness is quieter, slowly poisoning your life until you lose it one joy at a time
I will now give you a few ways you can overcome the Deadliness that Devours and Destroys our souls….
1. Forgiveness…
Forgiving the wrong doer does not mean that you have to now pretend everything is “OKAY.” Neither does it now mean forgetting the pain, forgiveness is simply the act of surrendering our desire for revenge and wanting to be in control, releasing that evil desire to hurt those around you for someone hurting and causing you pain.
Forgiveness is the gift you need to gift yourself with and this will enable you to stop picking at the scab and start making a plan for healing…
2. Making a plan..
Forgiveness allows you to free the chained energy you need to start the healing process. If the person who hurt you is willing to work with you, try mapping out exactly what changes or effort you both would need to see from each other, to let you know that it is safe to reconcile or not, however remaining civil toward each other and the situation. If you choose to be on your own, focus your energy on making a plan for how will you strive to regain as much of what was lost or taken from you as possible. The more you strive to find alternative ways to recoup your losses, the less bitter you will feel even if the hurt persists. It can be tempting to give into feeling that “there’s nothing I can do”, but resist the temptation. In fact, if you feel this way and cannot think of solutions, talk to a professional to check your math before deciding that you just need to grieve your loss. If, after consultation, you find that there really is nothing you can do to reclaim what was lost or taken from you, focus your energy on developing new goals that will help you reconstruct a compelling future. The Qur’an has many beautiful ways you can heal without wanting to destroy everything around you by that ghastly disease called CONTROL…
3. Stop Dwelling and Re-telling..
When hurt, we have a tendency to play and replay the painful events over and over in our minds or tell anyone who will listen about our pain, over and over again. We need to talk to people that can help us heal the hurt, facilitate reconciliation or help us rebuild our lives, but other than that, we should do what we can to stop dwelling on the pain and stop speaking of it so freely to others. When we are tempted to “dwell or re-tell” the best course of action is to refocus on what we can do “HERE AND NOW” to take a step toward refining or actualizing the plan we developed in Step 2 (making a plan). The more you are focused on solutions, the less you will experience the sense of powerlessness that comes from ruminating on the hurt and the less you will binge on the idea of revenge…
4. Seeking Guidance…
It is nearly impossible to heal wounds without Almighty’s grace and guidance. Bitterness causes us to shun Allah’s grace in favor of obsessing over the wound. If you are holding on to bitterness I encourage you to take it to your musallah. Please do not be insulted by the suggestion. I know that you are the victim and you have a right to your pain, but as much as you have the right to hurt, turning to Allah should be the only form of assistance we seek, holding on to anything except almighty’s love, mercy and healing power separates us from Allah and sends you straight down the the dark evil path of doing whatever it takes to forget the pain.
Dua can open your heart to receive the healing Allah wants you to recieve. It will help surrender the pain and powerlessness and begin to discover new options. Stop hoarding your hurt. Make your desire for healing official by taking your tendency to dwell in the powerlessness straight to Allah.
Dua can open your heart to receive the healing Allah wants you to recieve. It will help surrender the pain and powerlessness and begin to discover new options. Stop hoarding your hurt. Make your desire for healing official by taking your tendency to dwell in the powerlessness straight to Allah.
5. Seeking Help…
If the bitterness will not let go after you have tried all of the above, it is time to seek professional help. Working with a professional in both fields can help you see possibilities that your pain has blinded you to and give you new tools to heal the wounds that are holding you back…
You do not have to be bitter or consumed by feelings of powerlessness and sadness. Take control of you and your heart, control how you feel, control your actions..
Do not fall short on asking Allah for help, do not plant that bitter root, do not cause trouble and defile anyone…
Do put your trust only in Allah, trust that only Allah can set you free, break that chain of bitterness that has been burnt into your soul, only with the help of Allah will there be less pain, no desire to control anyone but your own nafs, and you will discover that there is so much more to life than pain…
