COMMUNICATION, TRUTHFULNESS, TAKING RESPONSIBILITY, WORK AND PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP MATTERS…
Today i would like if we concentrated on these very important keynotes..
Have you at some point started feeling like you are the resident dart board..
with no proof or evidence, everything you do and say with no second thought gets questioned and turned into a negative.
everything bad that HAPPENS becomes your fault, or The “because of you” one liner gets tossed around, you are an easy target because you choose to deal with every situation passively, then TODAY’S piece is just for you..
Perception:
We all process relationships, may it be work or personal, through our very own perceptions and in saying that, when we relate to someone only through our own perception, it becomes one-dimensional and a tad unfair, leaving us with a very warped view of reality.
As perception maybe a reality, it may not be, “actuality” or rather (living in reality). There is a big difference between ones perception and the raw truth. External influence and internal dialogue shape perception. No truth can ever be influenced, therefore the truth will remain just that to us all, the bitter truth. When incidents start getting related as we want it percieved, we lose sight of the actual picture, we become so fixated on only our story, and that becomes the biggest relationship killer of all time. Relationships need a 360-degree view to bloom. People outside the relationship who have nothing to lose or gain by bringing truth to the conversation can often help. This is the power of positive coaching.
Assumption:
We are all guilty of making assumptions of the people with whom we are in relationships with, like i said earlier, it could be work or personal. If i put away r5 for every time i heard “they always” or “they never”, i would be a millionaire. In most instances, we assume things about others without thinking of how our cheap behind close doors chit-chat would affect them nor do we take time out to ask them what reality or their side of the story is. And i find this most hilarious, as to how quick we are to jump on our high horses, that to with no fact, make assumptions and pass judgement based purely on what we may have heard or what we expect the truth to be. That right there is a class act relationship killer. Our assumptions are often based on our own experiences and perceptions. Right or wrong, this actually says more about you and your character than about the one, you judged or made an assumption about. Making an assumption, simply means passing judgement, good or bad. Off late i have been observing, “When people get defensive for a lie caught out, or offended about a truth, that is when the act of assuming and judging steps right in.” Many of our offences actually come from assumption and not from “really what happend” or simply “reality of a matter”. Someone may say something to you and because you assume you know what he or she meant, you get offended, create a scene without thinking first and when realise it was you that was wrong in the first place, you rather cut ties and sever the relationship. Instead, we should seek understanding, ask questions, or get advice from someone outside the relationship to see the full picture and gain full knowledge, from a perspective unknown to us rather than someone waiting to fuel heated coal.
Expectations:
We tend to expect alot from people we are in relationships with. The problem arises when we refuse to ask rather than rely on those expectations. Based on our perception and assumptions, we will often put an unachievable expectation on someone, to what we want, when we want because we can do just that, expect. Every relationship must have negotiation and communication within it to be healthy and have an understanding as well as the freedom to be able to set boundaries and still remain in that relationship, now that is the place to school each other on what to expect and what not to. When those expectations are not based on reality and agreement, they to become relationship killers and i say this because our expectations often come from a place of hurt or broken trust or simply the need to feel superior, it becomes impossible for the other person to achieve them. If we do not know what we want, how can we expect any other person to have knowledge of that? And that is were i recommend communication and agreement for clarity. This gives you both an opportunity to share your hearts and helps also achieving the expectation in UNITY.
Every relationship, regardless of the intimacy level, whether at work or home suffers from these three killers! We are not even aware we are doing this, it takes conscience effort to overcome the tendency.
Three transparent ways to bury relationship killers:
-
Invite someone you trust and discuss your tendencies in these three areas with that person. Ask him or her to hold you accountable by pointing out when they see you doing it, privately of course. Meet regularly to go over or vent about your actions.
-
Correct your mistakes by talking to the people you have offended in these ways. Ask for forgiveness and invite them to share their hearts so you can understand them better and also lean were you may have gone wrong. This is not easy, but very powerful.
-
Soul-search, introspect and look deep within your heart to understand why you do this. Perhaps seek counsel to dig up some roots to allow healing to happen in your heart. When you deal with the deeper issues in your heart, these three relationship killers lose their power in your life.
I would like to end leaving you with this thought.
We do not have to look to far to see the pain that often comes from broken relationships, we have all experienced it. Rather then being defensive and hiding behind a lie to cover up your bad choice, work at it. Rather than putting others down to look good, work on were you went wrong and how you can fix it. If you know you are working hard and tirelessly, do not seek gratification from your peers, do not demand acknowledgement, rather let your hard work, success and silence speak for you, It is far less painful to work on these issues than it is to walk away. We all carry the baggage from the last relationship to the next one, so let’s us make sure it is good luggage.
Like i said last week, we are all merely dots on a very long line of dots that need to be in sync to create something unique and rare, and that can only be done by working in harmony but most importantly working honestly in sync with good intention with dots before and and after you. Be a humble, connect in a peaceful manner, no picture is ever complete if one dot suddenly goes out of sync.
Accept Fault when it is yours.
Let every mistake/bad choice you make be a stepping stone to the next good choice, and it is absolutely imperative that in any relationship we practise “Patience, Gratitude and the intention to constantly strive toward an honest intention”
Remember relationships do Matter…
