There are questions that time never answers, wounds that faith cannot reason with, and losses so deep that even GOD’s explanations would fall silent. I think I will ask why for the rest of my life. Not out of rebellion, but out of love. Because how can a woman’s heart accept what logic cannot hold? Even if GOD Himself stood before me and laid out the reason, I do not think I could nod and say, “I understand.” Some loves are not meant to be understood, only felt, and grieved, and carried in silence.
You see, when I lost you, something inside me stopped breathing. The world kept spinning, people kept talking, the days kept happening, but I did not. I stayed frozen in the moment love turned into memory. I wake up every day and still expect to hear your voice, still imagine you turning the corner, still feel the ghost of your laughter echo through rooms that forgot how to be loud.
If love could have saved you, my love, you would have lived forever. You would have outrun pain, outlived time, and outshined death itself. My love was stronger than medicine, fiercer than prayer, deeper than air. I would have given you every heartbeat I had left, every breath, every ounce of my tomorrow, just so you could have one more today. If I could have traded places, I would have done it with a smile, knowing I was dying for the most beautiful reason there ever was, YOU.
They say grief is love with nowhere to go. But my love still goes to you, it goes upward, heavenward, and finds you in ways I cannot see. It lives in the tears I hide, the sky I stare at, the quiet I cannot escape. I talk to you in prayers, in dreams, in moments when the world is not looking. I imagine you laughing, free, unhurt, untouched by the pain this life gave me. That thought, that image, it is what keeps me from collapsing into the emptiness you left behind.
Maybe one day I will stop asking why. Maybe one day I will just hold the ache as proof that I once loved something divine enough to break me. But today, and probably forever, I will keep whispering your name to the heavens. I will keep loving you in ways this world does not understand. Because you were not just my life. You were my reason, my reflection, my piece of forever that slipped too soon into eternity.
And so I will ask GOD why, not because I doubt Him, but because I miss you. Because love like ours should not have an ending. Because every breath without you feels like a prayer that never got answered.
If love could have saved you, Zak… you would have lived forever 💔