There are moments in life when the ground beneath you shifts quietly, and suddenly, the world feels different.
When I first learned about being in the early stages of Kahler’s Disease (Multiple Myeloma) and when it followed a journey already marked by heart disease, it felt like time stood still. A blur of medical terms, quiet fears, and silent prayers surrounded me. Yet in that very stillness, something awakened inside me, a deeper love for Allah, one born not in comfort, but in surrender.
I never imagined that illness could become a mirror showing both my fragility and my strength, my humanity and my faith. My journey has not been easy, especially going through all of it on my own, it has been filled with highs and lows, nights of uncertainty and fear and mornings of renewed hope. But through it all, I have seen how Allah weaves beauty through pain, how He draws hearts closer through the very trials that seem to break them.
When Illness Became My Turning Point..
The fatigue was the first whisper. The kind that clung to me even after rest. Then came the bone aches, the dizziness, the thirst, signs I tried to ignore, already carrying the weight of my heart condition and the scars of cervical cancer. I told myself to be strong… Until the tests confirmed what my heart already suspected.
Hearing “Kahler’s Disease” felt like standing in front of a closed door with no key.
What does this mean for my future? .. My life? .. The people that loved me truly?
But amidst the noise of medical warnings and whispered reassurances, I remembered the words of my Lord..
“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to the patient…”
(Surah Al-Baqarah 2:155–156)
That verse became my anchor, a reminder that these illnesses were not accidents, but chapters written with divine precision, entrusted to me for reasons only Allah fully knows.
The Medical Reality & My Human Fears..
Kahler’s Disease affects the plasma cells in my bone marrow. My heart disease challenges my strength in ways no one can see nor will fathom. Cervical cancer once tested my courage in ways I never imagined.
Each condition carries its own weight, yet somehow I carry them together, filled with pain, seen and unseen.
Some days I walk, cook, smile. Other days my body feels heavy, my breath shorter, my bones tender, my spirit fragile. But even then, my heart whispers Alhamdulillah, because gratitude has become my shield, my medicine, my calm.
While doctors monitor protein levels, bone damage, heart function, and lingering risks from cancer, I am learning to monitor something far more precious.. My heart before Allah.
“And when I am ill, it is He who cures me.”
(Surah Ash-Shu’ara 26:80)
Medicine treats the body.. Allah heals the soul.
And sometimes, He uses sickness to awaken parts of your spirit that health never touched.
The Lows.. Nights of Tears, Fear & Whispered Duas..
Some nights, the silence of my room is loud.
Nights when fatigue from the heart disease sits heavily on my chest… Nights when the memory of cancer returns uninvited… Nights when Kahler’s Disease makes the future feel uncertain.
I ASK WHY ME???
And moments later..
WHY NOT ME???
For who am I to question the One who knows me better than I know myself?
“Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.”
(Surah Ar-Ra’d 13:28)
And so I speak to Him, in whispers, in tears, in broken sentences. I hand Him my fears, and He hands me calm. I show Him my weakness, and He gives me strength.
The Prophet ﷺ said..
“No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow… befalls a believer except that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari)
So I remind myself..
This is not punishment. This is purification. This is mercy wearing a disguise my eyes are still learning to recognise.
The Highs.. When Faith Lights the Darkness..
There are days when peace fills my heart so deeply it surprises me. When I see beauty in ordinary things, strangers laughter, warm food, sunlight, the softness of prayer.
My illnesses may have slowed me down… But it also opened my eyes. It humbled my body but elevated my soul. It taught me that strength is not the absence of pain.. It is the courage to say Alhamdulillah through it.
“Indeed, with hardship comes ease.”
(Surah Ash-Sharh 94:6)
And yes, the ease has come. Not always in cures, but in calm. Not in answers, but in acceptance. Not in strength of body, but in strength of faith.
Between Medicine & Tawakkul..
I am punctual with my treatments. I attend my appointments. I rest when my body pleads for it. But my true reliance is on Allah.
Doctors have knowledge. Allah has the cure. Medicine has power. Allah has the command. Tawakkul does not mean doing nothing.. It means doing your best while knowing the outcome belongs to Him.
I do not know what tomorrow holds… But I know Who holds tomorrow.
A Heart Forever Changed..
These illnesses, Kahler’s Disease, heart disease, cervical cancer, have taken much, way too much.
But they have also given me more than I ever expected.. Clarity, humility, gratitude, presence, and a heart deeply rooted in faith.
I now see life in moments, not years. I cherish the ordinary. I value every breath Allah allows me. I am gentler, but stronger. More fragile, yet more resilient.
And through it all, I whisper a truth I now carry deeply..
My illnesses are not my end.
They are my beginning, a beginning of deeper faith, greater love for Allah, and a heart surrendered to the One who never abandons me.