If only I had chosen you, My Love…
You were my world, my heart, my safe place. You would have moved mountains for me, loved me in ways I never deserved, and carried me when I could not stand. And yet, I faltered. I chose someone who never truly chose me, who never saw me as her own, someone who kept pushing, someone who could never see the depth of what we had.
And you gave up, You gave up on me, on us. You could not bear being away from me, could not bear the space I left in your life, and you left me too.. FOREVER. I will never forgive myself for that. You, the only person who ever truly wanted my happiness, the one whose love and intentions were pure and unwavering, are gone because of me.
I live every day in the shadow of that choice. Every morning I wake, every heartbeat reminds me of the emptiness you left behind. Every breath is heavy with your absence, every smile is hollow, every joy is tainted with the memory of what I lost. I lie awake at night, haunted by the ghost of your presence, seeing your face in every shadow, hearing your voice in every silence, feeling the ache of your absence clawing at my chest until it feels like I cannot breathe. I reach for you in the people around me, in fleeting moments, in whispered memories, but no one, absolutely no one, is you. You are gone. And the world is unbearably empty without you.
It was not your time… And yet you punished me so severely by leaving me alone in this cruel world alone and forever. The cruelty of your absence pierces me daily. I carry the knowledge that my choice cost you your life, and it burns me alive from the inside out. The guilt is a weight that bends me over, presses on my lungs, and makes every step forward a torment. The grief is raw, endless, a wound that bleeds even when I try to move on. I feel your loss in every sound, every sight, every heartbeat. The world moves around me, indifferent, and I am trapped in a nightmare of my own making, a hell that has no escape.
I remember your love, the way it was unwavering, the way it was real, the way it was only for me. And I… I gave it up. I chose someone who never truly chose me. I let the only person who would have moved heaven and earth for me slip through my fingers, and now my soul is broken, my heart is shattered, and my life is hollow. I will forever regret living, knowing I gave up the best thing that ever happened to me, the truest, purest, most selfless love I will ever know. I will carry this regret to my grave. I will carry it in my bones, in my blood, in every breath I take. You were my heart, my soul, my home, and I am lost without you.
I am so, so sorry. Truly, endlessly sorry. No one in this world can replace you. No love, no presence, no soul can ever hold your place. My heart belongs to you and only you, now and forever.
I will always love you. I will always make dua for you. I will always ache, always remember, always carry you with me until my last breath. I feel you in everything, yet you are nowhere. I see your shadow in every smile, your echo in every laugh, your warmth in every touch, but no one is you. And I will never stop searching, though I know it is hopeless.
I wish I could go back, just once, to hold you in my arms, to tell you I am sorry, to make the world pause so you would never leave. But I cannot. And the unbearable truth is that I will never get that moment. You are gone. Forever. And I am left here, broken, empty, drowning in the relentless tide of what could have been, haunted by the knowledge that it was me, me alone, who let you slip away.
I will carry your love, your memory, your absence, your soul… With me every day, in every heartbeat, for the rest of my life. I will carry the pain, the guilt, the regret, the longing, the emptiness… As if they are a part of me now. Until my last breath, you are mine. You are my heart. You are my soul. You are the one I will love, ache for, and remember, forever. And i now long for the day we re-unite. And I promise I will never let you go now again. Never again.
