Today the loneliness tore me apart. It was not just the absence of my parents, it was the absence of belonging. The silence pressed against my chest so hard I could barely breathe, and the cold emptiness of it all left me trembling. I felt like a stranger in my own life, sitting in rooms that felt too big, with shadows that whispered louder than any human voice.
Today I ached for my parents. Voices that would call my name, hands that would wipe my tears, a presence that could anchor me when I drift too far into sorrow. But there was nothing. No one. Just me and the echoes of what once was. The kind of loneliness that does not just hurt, it hollows you out from the inside.
And still, in that unbearable void, I whispered to myself. ALLAH is here. With ALLAH by my side, it is okay. It has to be okay. I tell myself this through the sobs, through the silence, through the nights that feel like they will never end.
This month is heavier than most. It was once filled with anticipation, with preparations, with light and remembrance of the birth of our Beloved Prophet ﷺ. A time that brought joy, meaning, togetherness. But now it feels like the cruelest reminder of everything I no longer have. The same days that once carried laughter now carry nothing but emptiness. It feels like standing in the ruins of something beautiful, staring at the ashes of joy that once burned so bright.
So I raise my hands, trembling, broken, and I beg..
Ya ALLAH, do not let me drown in this emptiness. Do not let me walk this world abandoned. Do not let me fade into silence when my soul aches to be heard. Keep me in Your mercy when the world leaves me in its shadows.
Because if I do not have ALLAH, I have nothing. And if I have ALLAH, even in this raw and desolate loneliness, I still have everything.
So I sit here, shattered but still praying, crushed but still believing, broken but still reaching out. My parents may not be here, my heart may feel abandoned, but my LORD is near. And though I bleed inside, though I cry until my body is weak, I know ALLAH holds me when no one else will.
And in that truth, I survive. Not whole, not unscarred, but held by the only ONE who has never let me go.
I may be alone, but I know I am not abandoned.
